Ignatius understood the art of dealing with persons and of binding them to himself through charming, winning behaviour, to a degree which, to be honest, I have never found with anyone else. He could gradually affect their hearts in such a way that, through his behaviour, and through his pleasant, gentle speech, he carried all mightily away to the love of God. Simon Rodriguez

When Ignatius instructs people on how to converse, he begins with awareness of the other person. The essence of guiding spiritual conversation is to simply and humbly hold the conversation of the people gathered in the circle. You take care of the time, moving the conversation through each of the phases below and gently bring the conversation back on track if it wanders away from sharing the graces of the exercises.

The structure of the five phases below will enable you to do just this. The time needed for conversation will vary with the size of the group. As a guide for a group of five, try this: Silence 5 min, Listening 15 min, Conversation 15 min, Mini-discernment 5 min, Silence 5 min.

I begin with eyes closed, to focus on the feeling of my breath as it passes through my nostrils. I do this for two minutes. … Then I imagine the Trinity, sitting in a close circle with me, as four friends do in a conversation. I imagine talk has stopped and they are just loving me unconditionally. . . . I remain in this silent loving presence for three minutes. . . . When distracted, I return to the circle by praying, ‘Thank you, I accept your love’.

Contemplative silence begins the conversation, from the busy world into the sacred now. Guide the circle with the words above.

Listen carefully to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food, Incline your ear, and come to me; listen, so that you may live.

God explains to the prophet Isaiah that to listen is to receive life, that listening is like eating. The second phase of spiritual conversation is Sacred Listening. Here each shares something of their prayer experience, if desired. The details in the Craft of Sacred Listening.

During the FSE, the content of sacred listening, and each phase that follows, will be about the spiritual exercise, or set of exercises, recently prayed, or about what was noted in Listening Books. While this guide suits both one or a group of receivers, it will address a group having a spiritual conversation.

 Let no one seek to be considered a clever talker, or pride himself on being polished, witty and well spoken; he should look at Christ, who despised all this and chose for our sakes to be humiliated and looked down on by people rather than honoured and esteemed.

The third phase is spiritual conversation. For Ignatius, the spirit of such conversation is clear: be slow to speak, listen quietly, treat others as equals, be humble and sincere, speak with kindness and love, be reverent and see the Trinity at work in all. Also remind the circle that confidentiality for the conversations is essential.

Remember the group converses about the graces experienced in prayer and daily life – it is a focussed conversation on what was desired and found in the spiritual exercises and daily life following. The details of  how to converse are found in “The Craft of Spiritual Conversation”.

In the matter of desolations and the tricks of the enemy, as well as in the matter of consolations, instructions can be given about the rules for recognizing various spirits. These instructions are the rules by which to perceive and understand to some extent the various movements produced in the soul: the good that they may be accepted, and the bad, that they may be rejected. Ignatius

The fourth phase is discernment of spirits. Here is each invited to share briefly any mini-discernment as in “The Practice of Discerning the Spirits,” Everyone just listens.

In the discernment of spirits phase, you need to be very clear with your receivers that there is no discussion of another’s experience of the spirits. Rather, the group returns to listening, like in the first phase, to appreciate with affectionate awe and reverence, how the good spirit works in each.

I close my eyes. . . . I imagine the active Trinity sitting in an intimate circle with me . . . in silence after Father, Jesus and Spirit have expressed their desire to work with and through me. If distracted I return to the circle by praying, ‘Yes, work through me.’ I remain here in silent presence for three minutes. . . . Now I listen to the sounds surrounding me . . . near and far, loud and quiet. After two minutes of listening to the active world, I end with opening my eyes and a sign of the cross.

Contemplative silence ends the conversation, joining the working Trinity to return to the world.